


Sensibility

by Ryu_Reikai_Akuma



Series: The Rather Unusual and Possibly Lengthy Courtship [14]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Balin is too old for this shit, Bilbo doesn't know what to think of, Canon Rewrite, Cultural Differences, Fili is super protective, Gandalf just wants them to stop being little shits and get the job done, Kili is adorable and totally spoiled, Kissing, M/M, thorin is not so secretly a softie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-14
Packaged: 2018-12-01 23:00:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11496567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma/pseuds/Ryu_Reikai_Akuma
Summary: Adventuring isn't easy, especially with a group of dwarfs so different in behaviors, attitudes, and views from what Bilbo was used to. The last thing he needed to get himself used to the journey was to see Thorin and Kili kiss.





	Sensibility

**Author's Note:**

> Alternative title (No Sense nor) Sensibility. This is a little further ahead in the verse but I can’t quite write the other stories yet. Don’t worry, though. They’re just random fun (and smutty) stuff that mostly don’t contribute much to the general plot. Anyway! I rarely write Bilbo but I gave this my best attempt. This was more of a collection of observations than an episode taking place in a day like the other fics in this verse but I thought it would be more fun this way rather than having him talk to either Thorin or Kili at length. Plus, this way it can be a quick recap of the quest! I used a combination of the films and the book, depending on which is most convenient to the plot. Enjoy!

Books never said anything about the inconveniences of adventures. They didn’t mention hours on end sitting on the back of a temperament pony or pouring rain that soaked everything one moment then disappeared the next. They definitely didn’t mention how little one had to eat and how the menu was often limited to what could be easily grilled or boiled over a small fire. They certainly didn’t say a word about the hazards of traveling with an eclectic group of dwarfs who found the prospect of life-threatening danger an exciting challenge. Bilbo wasn’t sure what was more worrying, the possibility of encountering a fire-breathing dragon (which he sincerely hoped was greatly exaggerated) or his companions’ seemingly absent sense of self-preservation.

And no one lacked self-preservation more than the company’s leader, Thorin. Although Bilbo had heard about his reason to take on the quest, he still questioned his impatience to put his life at risk. Bilbo had never seen a proper kingdom, under a mountain or not, but he wasn’t entirely certain it was worth this undertaking. Gandalf assured him every day that it was and Balin quietly told him stories of the greatness of Erebor before the dragon’s attack. Bilbo stopped talking to Bofur after he kept mentioning about the hundreds way one could die on a quest to reclaim a mountain kingdom.

At least the dwarfs provided fascinating observation when he tired of the scenery. Bilbo discovered that they weren’t very self-conscious when they found a river in the second week of the journey. While he tried to cover himself and keep some distance, the dwarfs tackled and wrestled each other in the nude. He watched wide-eyed as they calmly walked around without a single stitch on their bodies, while the last time Bilbo saw another male naked was when he was but a child prone to skinning his knees when climbing trees. He was so red most of afternoon afterward that Oin offered to examine him.

They also seemed to find violence an appropriate way to bond. By the third week, Bilbo lost count of how many times the dwarfs raised their voices, grabbed each other’s collar, and wrestled fiercely, only to pat each other’s back in the end and laughed about the whole incident. They also had vicious habit of head butting as a gesture of friendliness. Dwalin in particular did it so often that it was a wonder no one had succumbed to concussion yet. Although, Bilbo had a close experience to it when Bofur forgot himself and collided their heads together while teasing him about his prim appearance. When Bilbo came to, Gandals was lecturing the dwarfs about the proper handling of little hobbits. They were forbidden from touching him for a few days afterward, lest they wanted Gandalf’s wooden stick digging into their ribs.

The dwarfs were obviously very close to each other. Balin later patiently explained that, except for Bofur, Bifur, and Bombur, they were all related. Nobilities! Bilbo had known about Thorin, Fili and Kili, but he hadn’t been aware that he was traveling with a whole group of royal dwarfs! He thought that their behaviors (Bilbo tried not to look at Dwalin whenever he thought of this) were inconsistent with what his books said about the proper conducts of royalties, but he tried to keep an open mind. After all, he had only heard tales of Men, hobbits, and elves. Dwarf was an entirely different race with their own unique culture. Even if he thought it odd and even uncomfortable, he had to respect and accept it.

It was difficult to accept things when he accidentally stumbled upon Thorin and Kili in the forest, kissing. Bilbo stilled, wondering if the pipe weed he had shared with Fili was laced with something questionable or if one of the dwarfs had forgotten themselves again and injured his head. But then he heard Kili’s quiet moan and saw the unmistakable way Thorin cupped the back of Kili’s head to gently draw him to another kiss and he quickly turned around to run back to the company, forgetting that he should have delivered dinner to Thorin and Kili while they were watching the ponies.

“Are you all right?” Gandalf asked when Bilbo returned with two full bowls.

“I-yes-no,” Bilbo answered still flustered.

Balin, who was sitting next to Gandalf, looked at him worriedly. “Are you sure, lad? You don’t look well.”

“I… Well.” Bilbo put away the bowls and shuffled close to Gandalf and Balin. He looked around them to make sure no one was listening before he whispered to them, “I saw Thorin and Kili in the forest. They were… they were… _kissing_!” He said it quietly but vehemently, eyes widening just at the mere mention of it.

Bilbo expected scandalized reaction, perhaps one of the loud exclamations he had been so familiar with lately. Maybe someone would even challenge Thorin to a duel for taking advantage of his authority. He hadn’t expected Gandalf’s quiet chuckle or Balin’s sheepish look.

“Bilbo, my friend, there’s something you should know. Thorin and Kili are closely related, true, but they are also in courtship,” Gandalf informed him in amusement.

Bilbo hadn’t thought his eyes could widen anymore, but he was proven wrong. “ _Courtship_? But… but…”

“It is unusual,” Balin admitted. “Even among us dwarfs it’s rare for relatives to court and marry each other. But, there are exceptions for nobilities.”

Now that he thought of it, Bilbo had heard about nobilities who married their own kin. These were facts barely discussed, only accepted quietly as a part of royal life. As shocking as it was for Bilbo to witness it, he supposed it wasn’t such a strange custom, after all. “Wait a moment. I understand that it’s all right for them to be… lovers despite being related because they are nobilities. But what about the fact that they were both male? How would they consummate their relationship?”

Bilbo was then treated to a lengthy explanation of sexual acts between two males. It quickly grew raucous and needlessly detailed when the other dwarfs heard the conversation and contributed their own knowledge and experiences. Bilbo was certain he would combust out of embarrassment when Kili emerged from the forest, loudly complaining about being hungry. Bilbo wasn’t able to look at any of the dwarfs for a couple of days afterward or hear the sound of cork popping out of vial of oil without turning completely red.

It took him a couple of days to come to terms with the new knowledge. He supposed it made sense. Not only would marrying one’s own relative keep the family line pure, it would also keep power and wealth within the family, which he supposed were very important things for royalties. He also supposed that there was nothing wrong with two people of the same sex being lovers. He had never fallen in love, but he had seen and read about love often. He saw no reason to deny anyone the right and honor to love whoever their hearts chose. What harm could there be in loving someone? And who was he or anyone to tell people how they were to find happiness? So, the idea that Thorin and Kili were lovers, while still a little strange to him, was no longer offensive to his sensibilities. What still bothered him was the fact that they were lovers at all.

Bilbo couldn’t think of anyone more different from each other. Thorin was a grim and stubborn dwarf with a temper that flared far too often, while Kili was a cheerful and curious dwarf more often found with a smile on his face than not. Bilbo simply couldn’t imagine what drew them together and how they managed their courtship. Kili, he could imagine being a kind lover, the sort that many lasses (or lads, he supposed) back home would giggle and dream about. Thorin, on the other hand, was someone Bilbo would actively try to avoid if not for the fact that they were travelling together. Conversations with Thorin always seemed to end in gloomy contemplation on their faraway destination and the past glory of Erebor. Meanwhile, it was difficult to talk to Kili without cracking a laugh or two or at least looking in horror and fascination as he faced danger with a grin on his face. They seemed to be more meant for arguments rather than affection. Bilbo was even more certain of this when Thorin harshly snapped at Kili for joking about orcs. The fact that it was done so openly surprised Bilbo and he frowned in disapproval as Thorin left to calm himself without apology.

Bilbo waited until Fili left to see the ponies before approaching Kili. He thought of how to broach the subject, but then remembered that dwarfs preferred blunt honesty. “That was very unkind of him.”

Kili looked up from the small fire pit in front of him that he had been staring at since Thorin reprimanded him harshly. “What?”

“Thorin, I mean. He was mean to you just now.”

Kili shrugged weakly and looked at the flickering fire again. “I should’ve known better than to joke about orcs.”

Bilbo frowned. “Yes, but… that wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have treated you like that!”

“It’s all right. He just has a lot in his mind. Don’t you worry about it.”

“Of course I’m worried about it! I wouldn’t guess that he’s your lover if I didn’t know better! He treats you very poorly!” Bilbo exclaimed, growing increasingly agitated.

Surprisingly, Kili laughed although Bilbo failed to see any reason for amusement in his situation. “He’s just not used to having strangers around us all the time! He treats me very well usually!”

Kili’s passive acceptance didn’t satisfy Bilbo but Fili then returned and Bilbo didn’t want to embarrass Kili further by discussing his relationship publicly. Still, he kept a close eye on Thorin and Kili. While it pleased him when they appeared to have reconciled the day after, he quickly grew upset by Thorin’s treatment toward Kili. It seemed that Thorin only valued Kili for his fighting skill. He was indifferent, almost cold, when there wasn’t a threat in sight. Although they spent private time together sometimes, Thorin hardly looked pleased then and was largely unaffected by Kili’s jests. Bilbo could tell that he cared, however, from the way he stopped Kili from rashly attacking the trolls and made sure Kili escaped the wargs first before jumping to safety. A few times, he caught Thorin watching Kili when nobody was looking, but Bilbo couldn’t read the peculiar way he looked at Kili. It was gentler than usual, there was something Bilbo had never seen in others. Nevertheless, good as these gestures might be, he felt that these weren’t enough after the way he treated Kili the rest of the time.

In Rivendell, Bilbo decided that he would confront Thorin. It wasn’t easy to gather the necessary courage since Thorin’s mood became fouler near the elves, but he felt he had to do something, especially after seeing Kili’s interest in elves. Bilbo knew it was a matter of time before they had another argument and he would very much like Thorin to stop being mean to someone who was supposed to be his lover. Well, he wanted Thorin to stop being mean to everyone, especially Bilbo himself, but for now he would focus on Kili.

Bilbo found Thorin in a secluded corner, looking at the beautiful scene before him in consternation. He cleared his throat, drawing Thorin’s attention. “I’d like to speak with you about something. If you don’t mind,” Bilbo said, clenching and unclenching his hands nervously.

Thorin frowned but nodded. “Go on.”

“It’s about Kili.”

Tension suddenly and clearly stiffened the broad lines of Thorin’s shoulders. He looked at Bilbo sharply. It was good to know he wasn’t entirely unconcerned to Kili, but this wasn’t enough. “What’s wrong with Kili?”

 _You!_ Bilbo wanted to shout, but he controlled himself. One of them had to keep an even temper and Thorin was unlikely to do it. “You keep upsetting him.”

As quickly as it appeared, the tension disappeared. Thorin looked away. “We cannot afford any mistake in this quest,” he said gravely.

“I understand that, but you’re so harsh to him!” Bilbo frowned at Thorin. “Can’t you see that he tries his best? If you must reprimand him, can you not do it in such a public way?”

“Kili is a warrior. A few harsh words won’t break him,” Thorin said far too calmly for Bilbo’s liking.

“Yes, yes, but he is not just a warrior! He’s also your lover! He defended you when I told him about this, but that’s not how you should treat your lover!” Bilbo argued indignantly, his earlier nervousness almost entirely forgotten.

Thorin slowly turned to face Bilbo. “I believe, Mr. Baggins, _that_ is none of your business.”

And with that, Thorin left Bilbo. Bilbo considered trying to talk to him again, but it was clear that Thorin didn’t wish to discuss the subject. While Bilbo noted that Thorin paid closer attention to Kili now, his treatment to Kili was still mostly the same as before during the rest of their stay in Rivendell. Yes, it’s true that when he deigned to look at Kili without criticism, his strange expression lent itself some tenderness, but it meant little when he kept Kili at a distance. Noting his concern, Balin assured him that the courtship was going as well as it could be, but Bilbo wasn’t convinced. He kept watching them as they left Rivendell. Gandalf’s departure didn’t improve Thorin’s mood and the poor weather that soon battered them only made it worse. Bilbo thought it was wise for Kili to walk at the back of the line, far from Thorin. As usual, he didn’t seem bothered by anything, joking with Fili and Bofur quietly. The rain dampened his joyful mood but not determination, he continued to walk and encouraged those who lagged behind, displaying far more compassion than Thorin, who was impatient to leave the heavy rain behind. Bilbo frowned at the back of Thorin’s head. Where he came from, one would offer his lover his coat in such weather or provide warmth in some way. While it was true that at this point they were all completely soaked, the gesture still counted as something. Yet, Thorin still led the company, uncaring of how Kili was doing.

The first hint of affection Bilbo saw since the he found them kissing came during the thunder battle. The thought of losing Kili sent Thorin racing forward, calling his name frantically. But, at that time Bilbo was hanging at the ledge, unable to fully understand the gesture. It was the last straw for him quest-wise. He was a hobbit! He had no business trying to travel through a mountain pass! He wasn’t meant for this sort of adventuring! He didn’t know what Gandalf thought of when he suggested recruiting him into the company, but he was simply not cut out to be a burglar! The only he had ever stolen was a piece of bread from his mother’s kitchen when he was but a little child! Bilbo tried to sneak away later that night and only dimly noted that Thorin had arranged so that Kili bedroll was located where the cold wind couldn’t reach him from the cave entrance. He was quickly distracted by Bofur, however, and, later, almost killed by a strange creature hidden in the Goblin Town. By the time he regrouped with the dwarfs and Gandalf, Thorin and Kili’s sad courtship was the furthest thing from his mind. The wargs drove all thoughts of proper conduct in courtship from his mind. When the eagles rescued them he was too overwhelmed by relief to think of anything else but the sweet taste of survival and the exciting rush from escaping a nearly impossible situation.

Bilbo had honestly forgotten about the affairs of the two Durin’s Folks when they landed in the Carrock. No matter how he disapproved of Thorin’s attitude and behaviors, he couldn’t help but be relieved when Gandalf healed him. When Thorin hugged him to show his gratitude, it was the first time Bilbo felt that he truly belonged with the company. He might not be as strong as they were or as experienced as they were in terms of traveling, but he was their companion, as valuable as Dwalin with his axes or Balin with his brilliance or Nori with his quick hands and feet or any other dwarf. The thought quickly dissipated, however, when Bilbo caught Kili’s eyes. Kili was smiling, but Bilbo felt suddenly self-conscious. It wasn’t right for him to receive this warm gesture when Kili only ever received harsh words. He nearly voiced this concern when Thorin was distracted by the sight of the Lonely Mountain in the distance, their final destination. It was a pretty sight, but meant little to Bilbo but the last stage of his adventure of a lifetime. However, it was different for Thorin. His eyes were soft when he gazed at the mountain and when he informed Bilbo that it was Erebor, his voice was dripping with reverence. Something crossed Bilbo’s mind. He thought he started to understand.

Thorin and Kili drifted closer to each other, imperceptibly at first. They picked beds next to each other in Beorn’s house. When they were back on the road, Thorin no longer spoke to Kili in harsh tones and words, but in hushed whispers that ended with brief exchanged smiles. In the darkness of Mirkwood, they walked and fought side by side, inseparable until they were caught. Imprisonment kept them apart for a while, but Bilbo brought them news about each other’s condition. Thorin reacted with peace in his expression, while Kili grinned unabashedly. They didn’t try to send any message to each other in the prison, however, still careful with privacy regardless of the situation. So, Bilbo was hardly surprised when the moment Kili was released, he rushed toward Thorin. They didn’t say anything – there was no time for conversation – but there was no need for words. Their relief at being reunited was apparent in the way they stayed close to each other, brushing against each other although there was plenty of space around them. While drifting slowly down the river toward safety, the thought of the home he left behind and the unspoken between Thorin and Kili were the only things keeping Bilbo happy.

It was a great relief that they were welcomed warmly in Laketown. When they were provided a house, Bilbo could almost cry in happiness. He was aching all over and feeling very unwell. All he wanted to do was rest until he was fully recovered. But, he made himself wait slightly longer to eat and drink and then allowed Oin to treat him. Bilbo had some doubt over the makeshift medicines he produced out of the few available ingredients in the poor fishing town, but he trusted Oin to heal him. He was drifting off to sleep, feeling full and warm and happy to be away from danger for once, when he spotted something. Gone was the secrecy Bilbo was treated to in the beginning of the quest. In a corner, Thorin and Kili sat together. They talked too quietly for Bilbo to hear anything, but he surmised from the smiles on their faces that affectionate words were being spoken. Bilbo smiled when Kili shifted so that he could subtly lean against Thorin’s side.

Bilbo didn’t remove his eyes from them when Fili sat down beside him. Fili followed his gaze and smiled in wary amusement. “I take it that you don’t worry about them anymore?” he asked teasingly.

“No,” Bilbo confirmed. He began to chuckle, but it turned into coughs. He had to wait for it to abate before continuing. “In truth, I haven’t been worried for a good while.”

This surprised Fili. “What finally reassured you?”

Bilbo smiled and closed his eyes, thinking about his own little hole back in Hobbiton. He could feel himself slowly falling asleep and hoped he would dream of his comfortable chair, familiar fireplace, and fully-stocked pantry. “The way Thorin looks at Kili. It’s the same way he looks at the Lonely Mountain. He looks at Kili like Kili is his home.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my admittedly biased observation that Thorin looked at Kili the way he looked at the Lonely Mountain. Also slightly based on [this documentary](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6sz14XiqLY) that said that after the publication of a romance novel (Sense and Sensibility, I think,) British men requested to be painted being affectionate with their wives because they wanted to show that they had sensibilities. And, yeah, I couldn’t rewrite the entirety of the Hobbit in detail. I just didn’t have the energy. For book!canon rewrite featuring many ThorinKili smut scenes, please check out [ A Matter of Convenience](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4593123). It was one of my more ambitious projects and I’ve learnt to never do that again.


End file.
